For years I’ve endlessly written about love. No one, or very few people are as obsessed with love as I am. In a way, I kind of love everyone. However, it’s been years since I’ve been head over heals, blissfully in love. Like not just loved another person, because I tend to be able to just love people. It’s just the way that I am. I tend to like or love people in general.
But love, where it’s mutual and about two people learning and growing and giving to each other, he makes me better because I know him and he challenges me everyday.
It’s not like when I say I loved a boy and he was great and awesome, but he wasn’t very into me, like they liked me as person and they slept with me, but they didn’t love me. Like they weren’t really my friend when I look back at those relationships. I didn’t feel very secure. I probably second guessed and overthought everything.
However, when I was in them, because I really liked the guy, because I wanted it to work or hoped he would have that magical change of heart. I thought that if I sent enough boob snapchats or if I was funny enough, they’d like me. But they weren’t actually bothering, because they didn’t feel that extra thing, that unexplainable thing. But I had lots of guys that I didn’t feel that thing for, I mean, we can’t help the way we feel.
Although, We are the sum of everything we’ve ever done. That’s a really awkward way to put it, but I just mean that I’ve learned a lot from how many times I’ve failed and tried again. This is what I’ve learned:
1.) Who cares who has the power! This is the silliest thing ever. “Don’t text back too soon, you’ll give up your power.” That’s so silly. If you like someone and they like you, just do what feels good. You’ll find out real fast if that person isn’t on the same page, because it will start to not feel good. We should do what feels good.
2.) Don’t test! I’m saying this as a notorious tester. I did the weirdest tests. I once told a man that I loved him knowing he wouldn’t want to go out anymore. I wasn’t into him either. I felt really horrible. I wrote him a letter telling him I was sorry later. I used to break up with boys to see if they’d fight for me…they didn’t. What I’m saying is, just be kind. People love kindness. Treat a lover like you treat your best friends. If you treat your friends like shit, well, you’re a dick, no one should date you anyway.
3.) BE PATIENT: this was one that was really hard for me. Just learn to relax and know that just because someone isn’t calling every five seconds doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I started dating late, so I dated like a high school girl for a long time. I was really behind. Not to mention texting is pretty much ruining relationships.
4.) it’s not always you’re fault. It’s probably no ones fault if things feel like they’re not working. It’s probably just not the right fit, even though you want it to be.
5.) Great sex doesn’t equal a great match or a good person.
6.) Get to know them. There’s a lot to be said for a slow burning oven.
7.) When we like someone, and this goes for boys as well as girls, it’s really hard to go by those shitty books that people buy. When a guy or a girl likes someone, it’s unlikely they’re going to wait to return a call. They’re probably going to want to spend time with you. And yes, people get busy, but when someone likes you, they’ll probably just tell you they’re busy and let you know what they’re windows are. They’ll make time for you.
I don’t really know anything. I know that everyone will have a different story. Because everyone is totally weird and crazy, so for anyone to possible offer advise is just silly.
But I can only offer my own adventures and say, I had a better time when I was loving and let myself go in the moment.
I’m really lucky because I’ve met someone who’s just the silliest, he acts just as silly with me.
For some people monogamy is really simple. I’m not saying that it’s not for me. I’m totally not. I’ve just been single for a really long time. I can see why both are great.
The funny thing is, people who are in relationships think it’s really easy to just be in a relationship. They think it’s easy to just find one. They ask people that are single, “why are you single?” Like people know?
After my first boyfriend and I broke up seven years ago, I had a year long, a six month and two months. I had a lot of, “well, that happened.”
I also developed odd rapports with a few men. These weren’t guys I was sleeping with, but simply men I would message or men that would be my friend with a slight sexual undertones.
Even when I was dating someone seriously, I never felt the need or desire to cut off that rapport. Until I met my boyfriend. However, it wasn’t without the slightest bit of sadness.
These men that I had these strange relations with were my shelter from the lonely winter nights, that can still be the hot summer nights of New York. It’s hard to say goodbye to people that you care for. Even if it’s a little weird.
However, out of a bigger love, I’m saying goodbye. It doesn’t mean it’s easy. Maybe other people have felt this sadness before. But it is hard when you’ve been single for so long to say goodbye to the ones who gave you shelter.
I think all I want is that they find a nice gal that will treat them really well. We all need someone for the in between.
Well, I just couldn’t take internet dating anymore and thought I would just try meeting people in real life. I’ve met a really amazing guy. I’m super sorry.